About Self, Parent, or Sibling
Teen Identity and Self-Esteem Therapy in Santa Monica & Los Angeles
Adolescence is fundamentally about identity figuring out who you are, what you value, and where you belong. For many teenagers, this process is complicated by social pressure, family expectations, experiences of failure or rejection, or questions about gender, sexuality, culture, and belonging that the adults around them may not fully understand.
Dr. Sally Hackman, PhD, MFT, provides a genuinely open, affirming space for teenagers in Santa Monica and Los Angeles to explore identity with curiosity rather than pressure and to build the self-esteem that comes from being truly known and accepted.
Where Low Self-Esteem Comes From
Comparison, Especially Online
Teenagers are not comparing themselves to their classmates any more. They are comparing themselves to an edited version of thousands of people. No one wins that comparison, and unlike a school corridor, there is no point in the day when it stops.
A Setback That Became a Verdict
A failed test. Not making the team. A rejection. Most children absorb these and move on. Some take one event and turn it into a permanent fact
about themselves, and it stays there for years.
Praise Tied to Performance
Children praised mainly for achievement often conclude that their worth depends on it. It works well until they hit something they cannot do and then there is nothing left underneath.
Being Excluded or Singled Out
Exclusion and bullying damage self-esteem directly, and the damage lasts long after the situation ends. A child who was targeted often keeps believing there was a reason they were chosen.
What Reassurance Cannot Do
This is the part most parents find hardest to accept.
Telling a teenager they are beautiful, clever, or well liked does not work and often makes things worse. It tells them that this subject makes you uncomfortable, and that you are going to argue rather than listen.
What does help is far less satisfying: taking the feeling seriously without agreeing with it. “That sounds like a horrible way to feel about yourself” gets further than “that’s not true”.
It also keeps the conversation open, which matters more than winning any single one of them.
How Therapy Helps
Adolescents often talk more freely to someone who is not their parent, and who has no stake in the answer. The early work is mostly listening finding out what the belief actually is, where it came from, and what keeps it in place. Teenagers are usually surprised to find an adult who does not immediately try to talk them out of it. From there the work moves to separating fact from interpretation, noticing the internal commentary that has become automatic, and building a sense of self that does not depend entirely on achievement or other people’s approval.
With younger children the approach is different more play-based, less direct but the aim is the same. Dr. Hackman also meets with parents separately, since how these on versations go at home matters a great deal.
Key Points
Supporting Your Teen's Sense of Self.
Empowering Resilience
Help your teenager develop a stable, positive sense of self that is based on their genuine values and strengths — rather than external approval or social comparison.
Healing Space
A completely confidential, non-judgmental space where teenagers can explore any aspect of their identity including gender, sexuality, cultural identity, and belonging without fear of judgment.
Transformative Support
Dr. Hackman provides LGBTQ+-affirming therapy for teenagers and has extensive experience with the particular identity challenges facing adolescents in contemporary Los Angeles.
OUR COMMITMENT TO YOU
"Why Adolescence Hits Self-Esteem Hardest
Something specific happens between roughly eleven and sixteen. Younger children take their sense of self mostly from their parents. Adolescents switch sources suddenly it is peers, and it is their own judgement of themselves, both of which are far harsher.
At the same time, their bodies are changing at different rates from everyone around them, and the ability to imagine what other people think of them arrives before the ability to keep it in proportion.
Some drop in confidence at this age is normal. What is not normal is a child whose view of themselves has become fixed and entirely negative.
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Years of Teen Therapy Experience
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Serving Santa Monica Continuously
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Confidential — Always
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First Session Free If You Don't Return
FAQ
Common Questions
Often it is, and it passes. What suggests something more is when the view has become fixed rather than shifting with the day, when it stops your child doing things they would otherwise do, or when it has lasted
months rather than weeks. If you are unsure, one conversation is a reasonable way to find out.
Frequently, yes and for the same reason they will not talk to you. There is nothing at stake. They are not managing your reaction or worrying about disappointing you. Many teenagers who say very little
at home are considerably more open in a session.
Removing it entirely tends to backfire, because it also removes their social life. What usually helps more is changing how it is used phones out of bedrooms overnight, following fewer accounts that provoke comparison. Dr. Hackman can help you work out what is realistic for your particular child.
Yes. Dr. Hackman provides an affirming, non-judgmental space for young people exploring identity, and for parents trying to respond well. The LGBTQ+ therapy page has more detail.
Self-esteem builds slowly, because the beliefs underneath it took time to form. Most families notice shifts within a few months, though longer-standing patterns take longer. Dr. Hackman will give you a realistic picture after the first few sessions.